Ten Years
by destielintheimpala67
Summary: After Cas loses his grace, Dean and Castiel have been struggling to get their relationship to work and finally after a long night they decide its over. Dean walks out and vows to never see Cas again, afraid that he might get Cas hurt if he chose to be in a relationship with him. But that all changes when Dean finds out Castiel is getting married years later. Dean/ Cas, Cas/Gabe


Supernatural and its characters are not mine

"But, I don't understand. Everything seemed so fine a day ago. What changed? What have I done? Please, I'll fix it. Wait for me to fix it." Castiel pleaded.

Dean smiled and merely replied, "There's nothing to fix. Remember, you're the one who told me, it isn't broken. But what we had going on. Its not good for us. Eventually its going to rip one of us apart. I couldn't let that happen to you."

Castiel's eyes filled with tears and he put his arms around Dean's waist and let his head sink into Dean's shoulder. "No, NO. This isn't real. You're not real. This is a dream. Dean, this a dream."

Dean couldn't help but allow his eyes to fill with pools of water. "I'm sorry, Cas." Dean lifted Castiel's head up so that their eyes met. His soft lips pressed gently against Castiel's, not a "we'll see where we go from now" but more of a "this is really goodbye" kiss.

Castiel began to sob.

"Shh, you're okay baby. You're fine. I just. I can't let anything happen to you. And us being together. It's going to end up hurting you. I know it will." Dean couldn't bare to look at Castiel's face any longer and his eyes searched the room, scanning it for anything to keep himself busy, anything except for Castiel's face.

"DEAN, YOU DON'T SEEM TO UNDERSTAND. I DON'T CARE. I DON'T CARE IF I GET HURT. I'LL MAKE IT. I PROMISE. PLEASE. DON'T DO THIS TO US." He spat into Dean's face.

Nevertheless, Dean didn't allow his eyes to set on Castiel's. If he looked into those gorgeous, perfect circles of innocence anymore he'd suffer from a heart attack. Giving up Castiel was almost too hard. In fact, Dean was sure he preferred the damn apocalypse over this. "Cas, you're beautiful. And wonderful. You'll find someone better than me in no time. You can be happy again. But everyone I touch just ends up dead. I wouldn't dare let that happen to you."

The blue swirls that were Castiel's eyes went from heart break to anger in a matter of seconds. "I'm not letting you go. I'd rather have you, cursed or not. Just like you said to me." Castiel fought back.

Sweat was soaking through the back of Dean's shirt and he felt as if his lungs were about to collapse. This was too much. He had lost everyone he cared about. All he had left was Sammy and Cas. Losing either of them didn't seem to be an option but Dean's conscious told him he'd have to make it a priority. He fumbled to detach himself from Castiel. He had a strong urge to run. Anywhere. Where he went wasn't an issue, he just needed to be anywhere but here. But Castiel stuck to him like a starfish. "You're making this harder than it needs to be, Cas. Please stop. If you love me, stop."

At this, Castiel's grip loosened and he allowed his arms to fall to his sides. "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE JUST GOING TO GIVE UP. YOU COWARD. HOW CAN YOU CALL YOURSELF A MAN! YOU'RE JUST A FOOLISH CHILD IN A GROWN MAN'S BODY!" Castiel was on fire. Honestly, Dean thought it was pretty damn hot."No! No! Quit thinking about how adorable he is!" he commanded himself. Dean's mind drifted off. He began to daydream. "I know. I'm a coward. I don't deserve the love you and Sammy give to me. I will still love you even if we aren't together. Cas, I'll always love you. I'm not sure why you were cursed with falling in love with me. What a terrible thing to bring upon someone as wonderful as you." He had the Niagara Falls rushing down his cheeks which were red and puffy by now.

"Dean, you are the best thing that I've ever had to myself. YOU are the only one I really truly need. If I let you go, I don't know where you might take yourself to. I will not let you go. We've both made mistakes before. Plenty of them. But if we let this go, we wont ever be able to forget it. You and I both know that." Castiel wiped the tears rolling down Dean's cheeks and leaned forward to give Dean a soft, warm kiss on his forehead. "Please, fight this with me. We'll get hurt plenty of times during the process, but its worth it. It is."

Dean's sobbing stopped and he let himself meet Castiel's lips, where they remained for several minutes, afraid to let them go. "Okay. But if this ends up being to dangerous, promise me you'll let yourself leave this relationship." Dean demanded. "I will." Cas vowed. "I will."

That boyish smile crossed Dean's face. "I love you, Cas." He giggled.

"And I do you, Dean."

Dean suddenly jerked back to reality. It was all in his head. It wasn't worth putting Castiel through more harm.

"YOU ARE SUCH A COWARD. I JUST. I CAN'T EVEN DEAL WITH YOU." Castiel continued to scream. Dean simply kissed Castiel's cheek and walked out the door. He grabbed his bag, his phone and his few belongings and slid into the Impala, knowing that Sam and Castiel would be okay with the car they had stolen the night before from a storage unit. He vowed to never let himself get so close to another being.

The Impala rode soft and smooth against the gravel rode leading out of town and the dark sky was speckled with bright stars. Dean imagined that Castiel was one of those stars, shining bright high up in the sky. This only lead to Dean thinking about the angels falling. "Why did he have to get stuck with us? He didn't deserve that." he asked himself. He rubbed his eyes and swirved to avoid a deer that nearly charged the front of the Impala. "Damn, Mother Nature's out to get me,too? Awesome!" he exclaimed sarcastically.

After a couple hours of driving into the night, Dean stopped at a motel and used his freshly made fake credit card. If he used any of his old cards, Sam and Cas would be sure to find him soon. That was the last thing he needed right now.

"Hi! Welcome to the Paullman Hotel! My name is Cindy, how may I help you tonight?" a young woman greeted him as he pushed open the motel's doors. It looked pretty cheap but at least it was better than some of the places he'd stayed. The things he'd done for hunting.

"Evening. I need a room for one. Under the name Smith. Trey Smith." Did that sound believable? He wondered. She smiled and swiped the card he had handed over. It must have been believable.

"Room 918. Glad to have you here! You're room will be on the third level, just take that elevator over there up and it'll be on you're left."

"Thanks."

"No problem! If you need anything, just dial *4 on the telephone provided and we'll make sure to take care of it!" Her cheeriness was slightly irritating at this hour. Dean was used to being up late, but damn. It was three a.m. How could anyone be so cheerful at this hour?

The room was small, full of numerous plants and decorations. It seemed that they had tried to make it look nice by stuffing it full of decorations which only crowded the walls and made the room seem smaller than it already was. Dean sighed and dropped his bags by the solitare bed. The mattress was a little stiff but it was manageable. He'd just have to get used to it.

Dean called Sam at least once a week, to let him know he was okay and secretly check up on Castiel, even though he told himself this wasn't the reason for his calls. Sam was his brother and he genuinely cared about him. But Castiel was important, too.

Three years passed and the boys had managed not to cross paths. Most of it was careful planning. He just couldn't stop thinking about Castiel. He flipped his phone open and dialed Sam's number.

"Hey, Dean. Haven't heard from you in a few weeks. Everything okay?" Sam asked.

"Yeah, its fine. I'm sorry, I should've called before. But. Do you think maybe you could put Castiel on the line?" Maybe he shouldn't have asked to speak to Cas. What if Cas hated him and never wanted to speak to him again? But then he heard a deep voice ask "Hello?" and he had to answer.

"H-hey, Cas. Its D-Dean. How have you um.. been?" Dean cleared his throught. He didn't sound as cool as he had hoped he would.

"Fine. And you?" Dean wanted to tell him he was lonely. He missed Cas. He wanted to be with Cas every passing second that he wasn't. But that would only create confusion. "I love you" he thought to say. Dean longed so bad to say those three words. But the only point of this call was to hear Cas' voice, he promised himself that. "I'm good. I just wanted to know if you were doing okay. Just to check up on you."

There was a pause as if both of them were waiting for the other to say it. "Cas- I- I wanted to tell you something." Oh god, he was really going to do it. "Hang up the phone, you idiot!" he screamed at himself.

"What is it?" Too late. He had to say it. But then he heard a giggling noise. It sounded familiar.

"Is that… wait… Cas, do you have someone else over?" Castiel sighed a long and heavy sigh before answering.

"Yes, Gabriel is here. We're sort of. Um. Together. Now."

Dean's eyes teared up. Why did he not expect this? Castiel was such a wonderful being and he deserved to be loved all the time even if it wasn't by Dean. \

"What did you want to tell me?" Castiel asked impatiently.

"Um…nothing. I just hope you're having a good time. That's all." If Castiel was happy, then that's all Dean could have hoped for. Over the next year or so he would call at least once a month and pretend to butt dial and listen to the background noise on Sam's phone of Gabriel and Castiel giggling and kissing and cuddling.

After nearly two years, he left his recently bought apartment and went out to check his mail box. It was usually empty except for the occasional spam mail. He found one that was addressed from Sam. When he opened it, he nearly choked.

YOU ARE INVITED TO THE BONDING OF:  
GABRIEL N. AND CASTIEL W.

His eyes darted over the invitation. What killed him the most was the fact that Castiel addressed himself as Castiel Winchester. Dean always wanted Castiel to be a Winchester but he had hoped it would be because they had decided to get married. Since getting together, Castiel had suggested Gabriel take up a nice last name and he decided on Novak. Great, he was going to be linked to Castiel no matter what. Dean almost ripped the invitation to shreds, but only crumpled it into a ball before spreading it out and smoothing the wrinkles and taping it to his fridge.

His boots stormed around the apartment angrily for an hour or so, until he finally calmed down and went to rest his mind with a nap. "Do I go?" He wondered. "If I don't go, I'll look like some jealous jerk. But if I do go, I'll have to see Castiel vow himself to some other..thing." Dean tossed these things around in his mind before deciding that he had to go to the wedding. If Castiel had sent an invitation, it must mean that he had some desire for Dean to be there to witness it. Unless Sam insisted that Castiel send an invitation. The idea that Castiel wouldn't invite Dean to his wedding was horrifying. "Damn it!" he yelled. He'd go. He would go and he would behave himself and he would see how happy Castiel was with Gabriel and everything would be okay and he'd be able to live the rest of his life knowing that Castiel was happy.

The wedding arrived faster than Dean had imagined.

The drive to the private church seemed so long Dean could barely handle it. However, the time zipped by. Eating. He should eat. It would relax his nerves . He went out for what he meant to be a quick lunch and ended up staying in a restaurant for four hours, just picking at his fries. He still had time to spare before the wedding. "Shit!" He left a twenty dollar bill on the table and left the restaurant in a hurry. "I forgot the damn tux!" He yelled at the air. Dean began to dial Sam's number to ask if he had any extra tuxedos or nice suits laying around and then stopped when he realized he still had plenty of outfits left from his earlier days of hunting. Popping the trunk open, he scanned the outfits for a suit. His eyes rested on a nice black one with a blue tie. It would match Castiel's eyes. Dean didn't realize how filthy the suit was until he attempted to pick it up and dust flew into his eyes, blinding his vision. "God, when was the last time these things were washed!" Luckily he was parked near a little gas station/ laundry mat so he made sure to have the suit properly washed and eventually got it on after a few small struggles to get the pants to fit. Apparently, he had grown a bit. Whoops.

The wedding was in thirty minutes. But Dean had already been parked behind the church for three hours. He didn't know if he'd be able to handle this. Breaking out into tears in front of a hundred people wasn't something he desired to do. Nevertheless, he stumbled out of the Impala and grabbed onto the wooden stairwell and heaved himself up the cobble steps. As he pushed open the doors of the church, his eyes widened in amazement. It was everything he had ever dreamed of. It was perfect. He just wished he was the one marrying Cas. He had everything, the priest, the witnesses, the church, all he needed was Cas.

Dean sat down next to an old couple that he assumed we're no one that Castiel nor Gabriel knew, just respected citizens that were welcomed to be witnesses at the wedding. Castiel walked down the aisle with Gabriel waiting for him on the other end of the room. Everything in Dean told him to grab Cas' hand and kiss him on the spot, no matter what everyone else thought. He couldn't ruin Castiel's wedding. He really deserved this. So Dean just let it happen. He watched as Castiel's delicate hands took Gabriel's hands and held onto them tightly. He watched as they said "I do" and he had been thinking the entire time that he would be the one to crash the wedding, to tell Castiel not to do it. To tell Castiel that he still loved him and wanted him for himself. But he couldn't. So he watched. He watched as Castiel walked by and didn't acknowledge him, he watched as Gabriel and Castiel hopped into a brand new car and drove away, he watched as the car left a gray smoky dust behind them. And all the while he never knew that Castiel was watching him too. Neither of them knew what they were missing. But they didn't intervene. Because between the two of them they thought that that was what was best for each other.

"Hey, Dean. How have you been? God, its been forever!" Sam exclaimed.

Dean brought his younger, yet taller, brother into a giant bear hug. He suddenly realized how much he missed not just Castiel, but Sam, too.

"How have you been, man? You barely call anymore." Pain tugged at Sam's voice.

"I know. I'm sorry. I just. I have an actual job now and the hours are killers." That was only partially a lie. He did have a job. He worked at an autoshop, following in Bobby's footsteps. But he could take off whenever he wanted because he knew that the cars he was assigned never had any major problems that he couldn't quickly fix up. "The wedding was really nice." He sounded so awkward, trying to make small talk. There wasn't anything else to talk about. They didn't have anything in common much anymore besides the fact that they were brothers. Dean barely hunted whilest Sam was basking in the glory of being one of the best there was. Castiel tried to help Sam but usually ended up tripping himself or hurting himself in some way while they were hunting.

"Thanks. Yeah. It was a new thing to me. But this was sort of a rushed thing." Sam explained.

What did Sam mean by a "rushed thing"?

"What do you mean?" Dean rubbed his chin. The sky was filling with dark clouds, just in time for everyone to leave the church. It was just Sam and Dean now.

"Well..they hadn't even planned on getting married for another year or so, but Castiel insisted on it. He said that...don't tell him I told you. He said that if they didn't do it soon, he might lose Gabriel or Gabriel would lose him. I think he's still having trouble dealing with the way you.." Sam didn't need to say anymore. Dean already knew that Sam was trying to describe Dean walking out on Gabriel. Awesome. So he'd managed to break his ex- boyfriend's heart along with giving him trust issues. Was there anything he couldn't shatter? "

"Oh. Okay. Hey- here's my number. Call me if you need anything. It was nice seeing you." He scribbled his phone number in blue ink on a leftover napkin from the restaurant and turned around.

"Dean!" Sam called to him.

"Yeah?" he stopped in his tracks.

"Maybe.. you should call Cas. You know congratulate him. I know it'd mean a lot to him."

"Right. Thanks." But he knew he wouldn't. He wasn't happy for Castiel but he couldn't stand Gabriel. He was annoying as hell.

FIVE YEARS LATER:

Castiel had bought a house in the country with Gabe and they were happily raising two cats together. On a particularly sunny day, while watching his cats run around as Gabe tended the gardens, he felt a buzzing in his pocket. His phone. He took it out and squinted, trying to read the screen. It was an unknown number. Hm. Although Castiel hated answering the phone except to people he knew, he decided he would this once. And he was glad he did.

"Hey Cas." The gruff voice of Dean gave Castiel a minor heart attack with a side of shock.

"D-d-dean?!" he replied.

"Cas eight years ago, I meant to tell you something. And god dammit, if this is the last thing I ever say, so be it. But I need to say it." Before Castiel could stop him, Dean blurted out "I love you. I still love you. I never stopped loving you. And I will always love you."

Castiel smiled. "I love you, too, Dean." Castiel skipped down the concrete steps of his porch and jumped into his 1967 chevy impala. He bought it because it reminded him of Dean. He needed something to keep him sane. "Where are you?" he asked Dean.

"That's not important Cas. Just know I love you." Dean hung up and Castiel frowned. The fucking tease! But then Castiel's phone vibrated. It was a text from the same number that called him. He clicked "VIEW"

FROM: UNKNOWN

TO: CAS

Meet me three blocks off the highway. You'll see a crossroads. Come find me ;)

Castiel chuckled. Of course Dean would do something like this. He rolled down his car windows and shouted to Gabriel that he loved him and didn't say anything more, but left.

It only took a few minutes, maybe five, until he spotted the crossroads. And right in the middle of it- Dean Winchester. He never failed to look gorgeous. "Hey, there sunshine!" he called to Dean. Dean simply waved back. He jumped out of his car and ran over to Dean.

"Dean. Before you say anything- I didn't mean for us to end up being this way. I honestly thought I could grow some balls and say "I don't" at the wedding but, I was too afraid. I love Gabriel, I do, but I can't love him without thinking of you. I'm sorry. That I ever caused us to be this way." Castiel's anxiety was showing in his voice.

"It's fine, Cas." Dean wrapped his arms around the ex- angel. "I love you so much. God, I missed you." He kissed the top of Castiel's head, his skin rubbing against Castiel's silky brown hair.

"Can we run away? Please?" Castiel pleaded.

"Sure, hon." Dean laughed.

"One question before we fly away to Neverland, though. What's that?" Dean gestured to Castiel's car.

"Oh that's my impala. It's the same make as yours. I just. It was pretty expensive, but it was worth it. I needed something to remind me of you. My memories weren't enough." He explained.

Dean nodded but still seemed confused. "No, I mean, what is that little gray ball of fluff in the back of your car?" he pointed towards what Castiel recognized as his cat, Mary.

"Um..that's Mary.. she's my cat. I sort of named her for.." his voice faded, too embarrassed to say anything more.

"Babe, that's so sweet. She would be honored, I'm sure of it."

Castiel smiled, relieved that Dean didn't think it was super weird that he had named a cat after Dean's dead mother.

"But..does she have to come? She's gonna get fur all over my back seat."

Castiel frowned at this. "Yes! I love Mary. She has to come. You want me, you have to take her, too."

Dean laughed. "Wow! So demanding! It's a sexy look on you, Cas. Are you sure you want to do this? I know that his is what I want, but I don't want to take you away from Gabriel if he is what makes you happy." He prayed that Castiel wanted to leave with Dean and not stay with Gabriel. It was a greedy thought, but he couldn't help himself. Castiel was like a drug to him. And he'd been on withdrawl for far too long. Dean's arm rested on the hood of his Impala, waiting for Cas to answer. The silence was awful.

"Of course I want to come with you. Gabriel and I.. we were always missing something. You and I aren't."

Dean kissed Castiel's cheek and let him go grab the cat. Cas left his car keys in his car, the windows rolled down. Gabriel would find it along with Castiel's phone which he would later call and leave a message for Gabriel to find and listen to. Going with Dean just seemed right. He knew that was what he wanted all along. Castiel let the cat crawl into his lap and snuggle up against him.

"Ugh, now I'm going to have to battle a cat for your love, Cas." Dean sighed.

"Dean, I'll always love you the most." He reached across the car and grabbed Dean's hand. He would never let it go.


End file.
